Regret
by 2kool4skool
Summary: When a body washes up on shore and Jordan arrives on scene, she is devastated to discover the body is Cal and she has to be the one to tell Woody. Finished.
1. It all begins

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan. **

Regret

Chapter 1 – It all begins.

The morning after Woody was shot Jordan awoke with a pounding headache. Her alcohol induced sleep had made her head feel like it would explode. She sat up slowly and felt the emotions of the night before sink in. She cried a fresh set of tears and then staggered to the bathroom. As she stood in the shower allowing the hot water to envelop her body, she pictured Woody weak and frail in his bed. She assumed his surgery would be in the next few hours and part of her wanted to be with him when he got out but the other part of her knew that wouldn't do any good. He was over her and she would have to be over him.

When she arrived at work, she was greeted by Nigel. "Good morning luv, how's Woody?"

"I wouldn't know Nige."

"Didn't you visit him again when you got off work?"

"Nope, I haven't seen him since yesterday afternoon."

"Is there something going on between you 2?"

"Nigel I don't want to talk about this."

With that Jordan tried to make it to her office without running into anyone else. When she sat down at her desk she decided she would work on her paperwork so she wouldn't have to talk to anyone. However 10 minutes later Slokum showed up at the door.

"Dr. Cavanaugh, I need you to go down to the harbour a body just washed up on shore."

As she looked up at him he commented. "Gee, you don't look so well. Perhaps you could fix your hair and make up at least. There is no need to represent the morgue looking like a junkie."

Slokum's words stung as she stood up. She went to the washroom and splashed water on her face. Then she covered the dark circles under her eyes with cover up and put on fresh makeup. She also re-did her hair in a much nicer bun and went on her way.

**A/N: Sorry for how short this chapter is but it is just the introduction.**


	2. It's Cal

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

Regret

Chapter 2 – Its Cal.

As Jordan arrived at the scene she met Seely. "Oh great its you."

"Good to see you again too Dr. Cavanaugh."

"What do you have for me?"

"Caucasian male, washed up on shore, no ID and several gunshot wounds. He was found by someone walking along the shore."

As Seely lifted the sheet, Jordan suddenly felt faint. She gasped as she stared down into the face of Cal. "Is everything okay Dr. Cavanaugh?"

"It's Cal."

"Who?"

"Woody's brother Cal."

"Woody as in Detective Hoyt, Woody?

"Yes," Jordan practically whimpered.

"Okay, well you shouldn't be doing this autopsy. Why don't you pass it off to one of your colleagues? Oh and Dr. Cavanaugh, maybe you should be the one to tell Detective Hoyt."

Jordan's head whipped around quickly. "Why me?"

"Because you 2 are close and it would be best hearing it from you then from someone at the precinct or the morgue."

Jordan knew Woody didn't want to see her but she also knew Seely was probably right. She sat in her office trying not to cry when Lily knocked on the door.

"Hey Jordan, Matt just told me what happened. Do you want to talk about it?"

Jordan shook her head. Talking about it was the last thing she wanted. She knew she couldn't let her guard down. She knew she couldn't be vulnerable. It hurt too much. She stared at her desk and then Lily reached out and touched her hand. "Jordan it might hurt a little less if you talk to someone. I know you are going through a lot right now, but Matt is right, Woody should hear this from you."

Jordan then looked up. Lily's face was soft and inviting. Jordan desperately wanted to talk to Lily and tell her everything but she knew she couldn't. Why burden Lily with her problems. "I don't think I am the best candidate."

"Are you kidding. You are probably the only person he could bear to hear this from."

"No trust me Lily I'm not."

"Nigel told me you didn't go see Woody again last night."

Jordan felt red, from anger, rush to her face. _Dammit Nigel, I tell you one thing and you go running with your gossip to Lily._ Jordan thought as she chose the right words to say.

"Lily it's complicated. Let's just say Woody is over me."

"I'm sure he's not over you. Maybe he's mad now but he is going through a lot. Jordan I saw him with you everyday. I think the man is in love with you."

Jordan couldn't hold it in any longer. "If he's in love with me, why would he throw me out of his hospital room and tell me to get out of his life? I shouldn't be the one bearing news that his baby brother just died."

"Oh Jordan, I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

"Don't worry about it."

"I know he hurt you but he still needs to hear this from someone close to him and no matter what he says you're the closest thing he has right now."

"Fine I'll go." Jordan felt a wave of emotion hit. She looked down at her file and Lily knew she was being dismissed.


	3. Misery loves company

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

Regret 

Chapter 3 – Misery loves company

Jordan sat at her desk and stared at the file she had pretended to be reading when Lily left. _How the hell do you tell someone who is bedridden that their last remaining family member is dead?_ Jordan thought. She had only known of Cal's death for about an hour and she didn't really want to go down to the hospital the second Woody got out of surgery. Then Slokum knocked on the door.

"Dr. Cavanaugh, I am doing the autopsy on Detective Hoyt's brother and I… well umm… you see, Dr. Cavanaugh, I am allowing you to take off the rest of the day so you can go down to the hospital and tell Detective Hoyt."

Jordan looked up, slightly in shock. "Thank you Dr. Slokum," she said as she gathered her things. Maybe it was best that she go early and tell Woody, the longer she waits the angrier Woody will be at her for holding back the information. "Dr. Cavanaugh, do you want any information before you go?"

Jordan was surprised. "Umm…sure."

"He was shot several times, he's been dead probably about a month. He's been in the water for basically the entire time. Did he happen to have any affiliation with gangs?"

Jordan wasn't sure how to respond. Should she sell Cal out? No one but her and Woody knew what happened when Bug got hit with the shovel. She knew if she told Slokum everyone would know and then how mad would Woody be? "Yes, I do believe he had some connections. I think it was over drug money or something."

"Well if you or Detective Hoyt know any more information please pass it along."

"Yes, sir," she said feeling more nervous by the second.

"You're doing the right thing Jordan." Lily said as Jordan wandered past her.

"Yeah, I'd like to see you be in my situation."

Lily said nothing and neither did Nigel as Jordan got into the elevator. The ride down was unbearable. She kept picturing Cal's face as Seely removed the sheet. Tears burned behind her eyelids and all of the pain from the last few days rushed forward into her mind. She began to sob quietly at first but louder after every second. When the elevator doors slid open she was a wreck. As they opened, Framus stood there she had been waiting for the elevator.

"Jordan are you okay?" Framus asked but Jordan didn't respond; she just walked straight out the front doors.

When she unlocked her vehicle she sat in the driver's seat and cried. She felt like her world was crashing down. Her nerves were shot and her head was pounding like someone was hitting her with a hammer.

Finally she placed the keys into the ignition. She tried to regain her composure but she couldn't. All of what she kept bottled up was being set loose, Woody's rejection, Garret's betrayal, Cal's death, it even went back to as far as Woody dating Devan and all the guilt Jordan felt when she died. Then she realized someone was knocking on her window.

Jordan pressed the button and the window rolled to down to reveal Framus. "Jordan I know you are going through a lot right now, do you want to talk about it?"

"No thanks, I have to get to the hospital and let Woody know of his brother's death."

"Jordan, Woody's surgery didn't start until 10 and it is only 10:45. Even if his surgery is almost over he'll be in recovery for like an hour. There is no point in you going there until noon."

Jordan knew she was right and she liked Framus, mostly because Framus drove Bug crazy. "Thanks for the offer but I don't think I need company right now."

"Oh come on Jordan, misery loves company."

"Don't you have to work?"

"I'm sure I can spare a break. Just give me a minute to pick up a report from Buggles and I'll be right back."

Jordan wanted to leave and be alone but she figured it might not be so bad to listen to Framus talk for a while. It might even calm her down.

In the morgue Slokum and Nigel were beginning Cal's autopsy. Nigel felt sad because he had really liked Cal. Nigel removed one of the bullets and then went off to the lab to have it identified.

Slokum carefully checked over the body removing the other bullets Nigel hadn't yet removed and placed them in a petri dish. He was careful as he looked at the bruising around each wound. He found each entrance and exit wound and documented everything as he went along. Then he called in Lily, "Miss Lebowski, I need you to be my scribe, everything I say I want you to write on the report." She didn't bother arguing and did as he said.

Jordan and Framus sat at a coffee shop and Framus asked Jordan if there was something specific she wanted to talk about.

"No nothing in particular."

"Come on Jordan, you were an emotional wreck in the morgue. I won't tell anyone anything you confide in me. My mouth will remain shut."

Jordan smiled, "Honestly, I feel a lot better just getting away from everything. I mean away from work. Yup, that's what was stressing me out, just work."

"Jordan a person with an IQ of 2 would know that you weren't having a emotional breakdown in the elevator over a stressful workload."

"Did you ever meet Cal, Framus?"

"No, Woody wouldn't allow him at the precinct and since Woody was dealing with the mob case, the rest of us had to remain at the station doing the homicide cases that came in. I saw him and Woody leaving the hospital when I went to visit Buggles, but I was probably about 100 feet away. Why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering if Woody let anyone meet him."

"No, he was probably afraid that his brother would reveal all of his deep dark childhood secrets."

Jordan laughed and felt a bit of relief from her headache. They talked for a little while longer, mostly about Bug and Nigel. Then Framus asked a question Jordan wasn't sure how to answer. "Jordan, do you think Nigel is attracted to Bug?"

Jordan practically inhaled her entire cup of coffee. She began choking and then finally responded. "Honestly Framus, I don't know. I think they're just friends. Nigel just got out of a serious relationship with a woman. Who knows, anything is possible." The truth was the entire morgue was curious on the level of Nigel and Bug's relationship, people just chose not to bring it up.

"Well Jordan, I should be getting back to work, but I'm glad you agreed to go out with me. I don't have too many female friends and I'd really like for us to hang out sometimes."

Jordan nodded. She did really enjoy herself. Besides she would do anything to avoid her emotions and telling Woody about his brother.

So Jordan and Framus drove back to the morgue and since it was 11:30 Jordan decided she should probably be getting to the hospital.


	4. Let's quit while we're ahead

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

Regret

Chapter 4 – Let's quit while we're ahead.

As Jordan began her journey to the hospital, each second felt like an hour. She panicked more and more the closer she got. When she arrived she was hyperventilating. She glanced at the clock in her car before shutting it off. It was 12:02, Woody would hopefully be willing to talk to her, she just hoped he'd be strong enough to hear what she had to say.

The elevator ride was the longest ride of her life. If felt like days before it reached his floor. When the doors slid open, she had a hard time stepping off the elevator. A nurse looked up from the file she was reading as Jordan approached her.

"Can I help you?" The nurses voice was gruff.

"I am here to see detective Hoyt."

"Are you his wife?"

"No, I'm his emergency contact. I was here yesterday when he was brought in."

"Alright, he just got out of surgery so you can't stay long, he is very weak."

Those words stung Jordan, like knives piercing her skin. If Woody was weak, how could she tell him this news? She was terrified she was going to trigger cardiac arrest.

She stared into the room as she stood in the doorframe. Woody's eyes were closed and he looked weaker than he had the day before. She walked towards him softly, so she wouldn't disturb him and sat down in the chair next to his bed. Then she reached out and touched his hand.

The sensation of her skin woke him and he slowly looked up into her face. The look in his eyes faded to darkness. "What are you doing here? I don't want you here. Just leave Jordan. Is this what you do, huh? You torture men. You string me along and then when I get close you pull back. Then when I am in the hospital you come back to flaunt what I can't have. I can't take this now Jordan, take your games elsewhere. I almost died and now we don't know if I will walk again, yet here you are taking pity on me. Just go, Jordan, just go."

Jordan had never been so hurt in her life. She didn't know what to say or do. The words he just spoke hurt her more than anything she can remember. All the pain in her life seemed to melt away. She was mad, really mad. She was so frustrated with him, with men. She stared at him, her face was no longer soft and comforting, it was angry and frustrated. When she spoke her words were loud and held a tone that was filled with rage. "Listen Woody, I may have hurt you before but this isn't a game. You don't get that do you, I thought you knew me better than this. You always claim you know me, if you knew me so well you would know it would take love and not pity for me to admit those feelings to you. I am well aware, you could have died, and I would never have forgiven myself if I hadn't have told you that I loved you, but you didn't die and now I'm here and I don't want to pull away."

"Oh is that so Jordan, you'll pull away from me when I'm not a cripple but when I am, well of course you'll be here. Why not when I'm in a wheelchair, I'll be easier to run from. You may want to stick around now but that won't last. Once I become the burden in your life and I depend on you, your insecurities will come back to haunt you and then you'll be gone and this time I can't chase you. So why don't we quit while we're ahead? I just wish I could get a hold of Cal."

Jordan had tried to avoid the subject but she knew she couldn't avoid it any longer. "Woody, I have to tell you something and it is very serious."

Woody looked up, he was still mad that she was there but the look in her face made his blood run cold and he responded, "What Jordan?"


	5. He isn't dead Jordan

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

Regret

Chapter 5 – He isn't dead Jordan.

"I went to respond to a call at the harbour this morning and the body was… was …"

"Spit it out Jordan. Who someone I work with? Is there another cop killer?"

"Woody it was Cal."

Woody's blood ran cold. "Get out Jordan. What is wrong with you? My brother isn't dead. How can you do something like this to me? Why are you so cruel to me? Huh? Cal would have called me to help him, he always does. He isn't dead Jordan, you made a mistake. YOU MADE A MISTAKE."

Jordan eyes burned with tears. _How could Woody think she would make something up like that?_ "Woody, I'm not making this up. It was Cal, Woody I'm so sorry. I know this is hard for you."

"You know nothing Jordan. I don't need this, Cal isn't dead okay. Jordan he isn't dead."

Jordan didn't know how to respond. She had been afraid Woody would react with anger and now she didn't know what to do. "Woody, I am so sorry, I really am. Please don't close up, please." Jordan was beginning to cry as she watched the contorted look of pain on Woody's face as he stared out the window.

Finally he looked towards her. "Can I be alone?"

"Okay, but call me if you need anything, even if it's just to talk."

Woody didn't respond and instead turned back to the window. Jordan walked out of his room and felt her eyelids burning. She told the nurse she's be by later and to keep an eye on him because she had had to tell him some potentially upsetting news. The nurse nodded and watched as Jordan got into the elevator and disappeared from sight.

­

* * *

At the morgue Nigel and Slokum had been working as hard as they could to finish the autopsy. Lily came in and out. The morgue had become a silent place. Everyone except Slokum had met Cal and everyone was filled with concern for Woody and for Jordan. Framus had mentioned Jordan was struggling but didn't go into great detail. She didn't feel the need to tell everyone about Jordan's breakdown.

Seely entered trace. "Where is your visitor badge?" Slokum growled. "It is protocol that all visitors and that includes detectives need to wear their visitor badges. Is there something you don't understand about that detective?"

Seely glared at him as he removed the backing of the visitor sticker Lily had forced into his hands. He patted against his chest. "Well is there any information that you can give me from the autopsy?"

"It will be in the report." Slokum told him.

"Yes, but when Dr. Macy was here, we were encouraged to come visit the autopsy and we could then start our investigation sooner."

"Well I am not Dr. Macy, I follow the rules and you are going to have to accept that. If there is something we need you to see, we will call you. However, when the autopsy is complete you may come in and discuss anything with us. We will also show you things on the body then too, but it is extremely rude for you to just come in and interrupt the autopsy. So if you don't mind, we will talk with you later detective."

Seely then stormed out of trace, using all his courage not to retaliate. He angrily removed the visitor sticker and slapped it down on the front desk as he waited for the elevator. As the doors opened, Jordan entered the morgue.

"Jordan."

"Seely."

Then she wandered into her office and sat down to start her paperwork. She felt so lost. Part of her wanted to help with the autopsy and part of her wanted to wait and help with the investigation.

2 minutes later Nigel came running in. "Jordan, I know I shouldn't be in here telling you everything but I thought you should know. I did the math and Cal was here about a month and a half ago. He died a month and a half ago. I don't think he ever left Boston. Which means he may have died before he got onto his plane. His body was then dumped into the water after he was shot and didn't reach shore until this morning."

Jordan felt horrible all of a sudden. She knew if Woody found out that Cal wouldn't have died had he been escorted to the hospital, that it would kill him. "Nigel, can we avoid telling Woody some of that information. At least don't tell him anything about the math."

Nigel noticed the strained look in Jordan's eyes. "How are you holding up luv?"

"I'm fine really, just tired I guess."

"I though Slokum gave you the day off."

"He did."

"So you're here because?"

"I have no where else to go."

"Well if you're tired you could go home to bed, you could stay with Woody, you could visit Garret. You can do whatever you like, that's what people do with their days off."

"I'm fine really, I can get caught up on paperwork."

"Alright luv."

With that Nigel swept out of the room, the same way he came in. Jordan stared down at the file on her desk. It was the same file she had stared at that morning when she had dismissed Lily. Nothing had been touched and she knew nothing was going to be touched now. She sat back in her chair, knowing the emotions from Woody's second rejection were catching up with her and it was only a matter of time before she'd be crying. She decided since it was her day off and no one was going to let her assist with Cal's autopsy, she decided to go out and avoid her emotions for a while.

She walked quickly to trace and told Nigel, that she was leaving but as soon as the autopsy report is complete to please contact her on her cell. As she left trace she ran into Lily.

"So how did it go Jordan?"

"He's in denial."

"Well that's to be expected. Don't worry he'll come around. He just needs time to swallow his pride and ask for help."

Jordan tried to smile but it came out like more of a facial expression worn by the grim reaper. She then walked to the elevator and decided to buy some ice cream, go to the mall and buy something that would make her feel better.


	6. Thanks Doc

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

Regret

Chapter 6 – Thanks Doc.

Woody lay staring at the ceiling in his hospital room. The room was spinning and yet all he could do was remind himself that Jordan made a mistake. _Calvin is fine, in a few days I'm sure someone will be able to track him down and then he'll come to see me. He isn't dead. He isn't._

Woody was beginning to feel worse with every passing second. There was nothing he could do except confront all his feelings. He slowly began to hyperventilate when Garret knocked on the door. "Dr. Macy, what are you doing here?"

"I came to visit Woody, Lily phoned me and told me what happened to your brother."

"He isn't dead, Jordan made a mistake."

"Woody, he's your brother. They checked his dental records. If you don't believe us they can use your DNA and prove he is your brother. I'm sorry Woody, but it is true."

Woody looked towards the window. He was tired and annoyed by everyone always pitying him. "Dr. Macy, I think I want to be alone. I can't take all of this right now."

"Actually I brought you some magazines, some books, some movies and this."

Woody turned it over in his hand. It was a picture of him and Jordan. They were both smiling and dancing. Woody knew it was around the time Jordan's apartment was broken into, but he was still foggy on a lot of his memories and he couldn't remember the exact date that the picture was taken. "Thanks Doc, but I don't need the picture."

"I think you do."

"Is that so?"

"Yes, I don't know what happened between you and Jordan. I do however know that she is stubborn and she really does love you. She is afraid Woody, she has a hard time accepting how much she loves you because it scares her but you should have seen her before you were out of surgery yesterday. I have never seen Jordan so worried and scared. She cried so hard. Woody she loves you more than anyone else. Please just keep the picture and try to remember the good times between you. It might help you while you deal with Cal. You aren't alone Woody; I am a phone call away. Jordan is here for you and so are Lily, Nigel and Bug. I think Sydney likes you a lot too. So don't let yourself feel like you have nothing, because there are a lot of people who care about you."

"Thanks doc."

Woody didn't know how to feel. He was happy to hear Garret say Jordan loved him even though he still thinks she is acting out of pity. However, he was still trying to make himself believe that Cal was still alive. He placed the picture between the pages of one of the books Garret brought. Then he opened up a magazine and tried to read it but after many failed attempts he threw it across the room and stared back at the window. He was frustrated, he loved Jordan so much but he knew he couldn't have her; not like this. Right now he needed his brother. He wanted so much to hear Cal's voice. Woody's world began to spin again and he knew he needed help. He picked up the phone and dialed the number.

"Dr. Stiles office, how can I help you?"


	7. Just dreaming

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

Regret

Chapter 7 – Just dreaming

As Jordan polished off her ice cream, she slowly made her way around the mall. She noticed an adorable pink outfit for a baby and felt herself drawn to it. She walked to the window and stared at it. She knew she some day had hoped on having children, but now she felt perhaps its best if she didn't. The only man she could ever picture waking up beside was Woody and it seemed that dream had crashed and burned when Woody ended up in the hospital. He was over her that was all there was to it.

"Cute isn't it?" Jordan turned around to face a woman about a few years older than her.

"Yeah, it is."

"Are you expecting?"

"No, just dreaming. I think I'm a little late."

The woman smiled. "I'm Anne. This is my 1st." Jordan looked down at her little potbelly.

"I'm Jordan and I still haven't found the right guy."

"Don't worry you will. I thought that too, now look at me. I'm 36."

Jordan smiled.

"I didn't meet my husband until 2 years ago. The right guy will come along."

The woman then wandered into the store and Jordan turned back around to stare at the cute little outfit. _Okay fine I found the right guy and he hates me_. She thought as she walked away.

About 2 minutes later she felt the vibration of her cell phone. "Cavanaugh."

"Jordan, it's Nigel, we think you should come down here."

Jordan knew they found something big. She could hear it in Nigel's voice. She ran out to her vehicle and rushed back to the morgue.

When she arrived Lily looked concerned. "They're in the conference room."

Jordan hurried in and found Slokum, Seely and Nigel sitting at the table with some open files. "Dr. Cavanaugh, we have some information on Detective Hoyt's brother."

Jordan felt nervous as she sat down. "You see Dr. Cavanaugh, all the shots were point blank. His body was dumped into the water after he was murdered and all of this said to me was it was gang related. When Dr. Townsend told me he did the math and this death was around the time you were digging up the mass grave of the Albanian mob, we wondered if we would connect the 2. So we had Detective Seely dig up all the evidence from that case. It seems the phone records from one of the mob associates contained the number to the cell phone that belonged to Detective Hoyt's brother. Do you know anything about this case, Dr. Cavanaugh, that you haven't told us yet?"

Jordan didn't know what to do. Of course she knew more, but would Woody forgive her for betraying him. She didn't know what to do. "No, I don't but I could talk to Detective Hoyt."

"Actually Jordan, I think it's my turn to talk to Detective Hoyt." Seely said.

Jordan hated him more each day. "Why is that Detective Seely?"

"I think you're both hiding something and if you go, I doubt I'll be getting straight answers from you."

"He just got out of surgery and found out his brother is dead. Do you really think you should be going down there to harass him for information?"

"Then tell us what you know Jordan."

Jordan looked over at Nigel and could see the look of concern in his face; he was worried about her. "I don't know anything and Woody is so weak. You can't down there and hurt him more. You have to understand this is the hardest thing he's ever going to have to deal with. Give him time, if he has information, I'll get it out of him. Please, let me talk to him." Jordan realized she was beginning to cry. "Please, let me go."

Seely glared at her. "Fine you can come with me, but I'm still going Jordan."

Jordan glared at him with a look so cold; she could have turned him into an icicle. "Fine, I need to grab something from my office." As she went into her office she began to cry harder. She didn't know what to do and she was so worried about Woody's health. Lily knocked on the door. "Jordan, are you alright?"

"I'm fine, I just have a headache."

"But you're crying. Listen, I don't think what they did is fair. However, they just want to know what happened to Calvin."

"Well your little friend Seely is an ass." Jordan said as she walked past Lily and out to her car.

When they arrived at the hospital, Woody was laying in his bed. He looked so weak. Jordan almost started to cry again. "Let me go in first Seely."

"Fine, you have 2 minutes."

Jordan went in and touched Woody's hand. He opened his eyes to look at her. "Jordan, what are you doing here again?"

"They have connected Cal with the Albanian mob through those phone records. They tried to get information from me, but I wouldn't give it to them. Seely is here to ask you some questions and I know you don't want to deal with this but I thought I'd warn you."

Woody's eyes closed. He was so weak and tired. "Does he have to do this now?"

"He won't listen to me Woods."

Seely then walked into the room. "Hey Hoyt, how are you feeling?"

"How do you think I'm feeling Seely? You think I'd feel wonderful after being told I may never walk again or being told that my brother's body was just found. Gee Seely I must be feeling great, in fact I've never felt better."

Jordan could hear Woody's heart monitor speeding up. She knew he was mad.

"Listen Hoyt, we've connected your brother with the Albanian mob. We connected them through phone records and well, we want to know if you knew anything?"

"What are you implying?"

"I'm not implying anything, we just wanted to know if you knew anything about your brothers ties to the mob."

"Oh yeah, every time we talked, he'd say hey Woods, I just went and laundered some money today, oh yesterday I was their drug mule. It's great having ties to a mob."

"Listen, I'm not trying to upset you, I just wanted to know if you knew anything."

"No, Seely okay, I didn't know my brother was going to be murdered. Now if you find any other information let me know, if you have nothing else to tell me then please leave."


	8. It's all my fault

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

Regret

Chapter 8 – It's not your fault

As Seely walked out of the room, Jordan noticed Woody was crying. She leaned down close to him and wiped the tears away with her thumb. "It's all my fault Jordan, it's all my fault."

"Woody it's not your fault."

"Yes it is, I just told him to get out of here and out of my life. I should have had him escorted to the airport or taken care of him. I knew the mob was dangerous and I just threw him out. I killed my baby brother."

"You aren't responsible for his mistakes. You were taking care of him for too long. No one knew he was going to be killed by the mob. You thought you were doing the right thing. This isn't your fault Woody. It's not your fault."

Jordan's eyes were brimming with tears. She loved Woody so much and it hurt her in every way to watch him be so hurt. She held his hand tightly and let him cry.

Woody suddenly felt so alone. He loved Jordan too, but he couldn't let her care for him. It wasn't fair to her. She deserved a man who could be everything and protect her. He knew now he could never be that man. He felt so weak and felt there was nothing left for him too live for.

"Jordan, I need some time alone. Do you mind?"

"No Woody take whatever time you need. All you need to do is call and I'll be here for you. I love you Woody I really do."

Those words hit him so hard. He loved her so much and it hurt to hear those words because he knew he couldn't have her. He watched her leave and then just lay in his bed. He never felt more alone and scared. He didn't feel like continuing to live. He felt there was nothing to live for.

Jordan left the room. She felt like she had finally connected with him. However, now she was mad. As she walked out to the parking lot, she saw Seely. She hated him, she walked towards him and with her most menacing voice, spoke to him. "You are the most insensitive jerk I have ever met. Why don't you just accuse him of murdering his brother, hmm? What, you don't think he has enough on his plate?"

"I was just doing my job Jordan."

"No, Seely doing your job would be finding out who killed Cal and then arresting them, not harassing his grieving brother."

"Jordan I am not one of your little friends that just does whatever you want. You aren't a cop and if I find out Woody hid the evidence of his brothers phone call, he's going to have a lot more on his plate."

"He is in the hospital, what is wrong with you?"

"I'm a cop Jordan, I'm not paid to care, I am paid to find the truth."

With that he got in his car and slammed the door. Jordan had to hold everything back not to hit him. She could feel hot tears of anger trying to escape from her eyes. She walked to her car and sped out of the parking lot. She had to do some damage control.

* * *

When she arrived at the morgue she went in through the back where they usually bring in the bodies and ran towards her office. "Nigel, can I see you for a minute?"

Nigel and Jordan went into Jordan's office.

"What is it luv? If Seely or Slokum find out we're socializing it could have large repercussions."

"I need to know everything from the autopsy."

"Jordan, I can't give you that information because they think you are holding back information."

"Nigel, I just want to know what you found."

"Jordan, what really happened here?"

"Nigel, I don't have time to discuss this, please I am begging you to tell me everything you know."

"Jordan, I… I… just can't, not with Slokum."

"Thanks anyway Nige, I have somewhere to be."

"Jordan, if you need to tell me something, then tell me. You can trust me."

"Trust Nigel, like when I trusted you earlier and you tricked me into coming to the morgue so you could try to force information about Cal out of me. Nigel, I think the trust I had for you has dissipated at the moment."

"Jordan…"

Jordan ran out of the room. She knew she had to find Sydney.

"Sydney, I need to speak with you. It is very important."

"Alright Jordan."

They made sure they were alone.

"I need a favour."

"Oh god, nothing ever starts with I need a favour. Haven't you almost gotten people fired because you needed a favour?"

"I know that you know, Woody saw the phone numbers. All I need you to say is I saw the phone numbers and I am the one that discovered Cal was speaking with Albie."

"Jordan, do you know what kind of trouble you could be in."

"Woody, has been in a lot of trouble for me. I think it is the least I could do to pay him back."

"Jordan, I don't know if I can lie like this. This is very serious, its like hiding evidence. I could get in trouble for this."

"From who, you, me and Woody are the only ones that know it was Woody and not me who saw the phone records. Please just tell people I was the one who saw the records, saw Cal's number and let Cal go free. I want them to think Woody had nothing to do with it. He's going through to much right now, and I owe this too him."

"Alright fine, I'll do it."

Jordan walked out of the room smiling between the new forming tears. She then wandered out to her car to go to the precinct. She was ready to tell Seely her idea of the truth.


	9. Howard Stiles has left the building

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

Regret

Chapter 9 – Howard Stiles has left the building.

"Detective Hoyt?"

Woody looked up to see Dr. Stiles standing in the doorway of his hospital room. "Yeah, that's me."

"You're a friend of Jordan Cavanaugh's aren't you?"

"Yeah, that would also be me."

"Good, I was afraid I had the wrong room."

Woody was happy to finally have someone to talk to, that didn't know him very well. "Well, detective, I am Dr. Stiles and I am aware you are temporarily paralyzed and need my help."

"Yeah, that's about right. I feel so guilty. I hate this place, all I can do all day is reminisce and build up a wall of regret. I get shot and the following day find out my baby brother and only living relative is dead. It's my fault too, I was mad at him and I kicked him out. I knew he was in danger. I should have helped him. It's all my fault."

"How is it your fault, what could you really have done?"

"You see, my brother had many problems. He was a drug addict and I put him in so many programs. He just couldn't stick with them. He was constantly calling me to bail him out and this time he took it too far. He was feeding information to one of the Albanian mobsters, who hit Bug in the face with a shovel. He almost died. I was mad at Cal because he hurt one of my friends. Then Cal put Jordan in danger. She was almost shot. So I told him to go home, even though once it was discovered that Albie was arrested, Cal would be in trouble. I didn't care because I realized Jordan meant more to me. However, I didn't really think he would be killed. Then I found out today that the Albanian mob killed him. I could have helped him again. I should have helped him again, he was my brother."

"What if you had helped him, do you think they would have left him alone forever? You can't be there all the time, you don't know what happened and it isn't your job to be his babysitter. It sounds like you have spent your entire relationship with your brother being the parent. He had to grow up and he chose to contact the mob, you didn't make him. He started this and the mob finished it."

Woody just lay there, he knew it was Cal's fault for talking with the mob. Dr. Stiles was right, but Woody couldn't help blaming himself. He felt like a failed father.

"Then there's Jordan," Woody went on. "I love her so much and now I can't have her."

"What do you mean you can't have her?"

"Look at me, she finally tells me she loves me and needs me and here I am paralyzed. Now I have to push her away, so that she doesn't end up unhappy for being with me out of pity."

"Jordan told you she loved you?" Woody tried not to laugh at the gaping hole in Stiles face. His look of shock was extremely humourous.

"She said it after I'd been shot. She probably felt bad, that she was always pushing me away and wanted to say something in case I died. I know she didn't mean it."

"I've known Jordan for a long time and I doubt no matter what the circumstances she would tell someone she loved them without meaning it."

"It's better for her this way."

"What are you talking about. She was probably afraid to say it because she'd get hurt, she builds up the courage and gets hurt."

"That wasn't my intention." Woody then remembered the look of pain on her face when he kicked her out. It hurt him really bad as he remembered it; the image was burned in his mind.

"I don't want to hurt her. I can't hurt her, because I love her." All of Woody's guilt was eating away at him, Stiles could see it.

"Listen detective Hoyt, Jordan is a complicated soul but she can be vulnerable like everyone else. She does love you and finally built the courage to tell you. Don't push her away, let her love you and let her know the feeling is mutual. Sometimes it takes something very serious for some people to confront their feelings. Also if she loves you I think she can handle taking care of you until you recover."

"I may never recover, do you really think she is going to want to look after me for the rest of her life?"

"Even if you never walk again, you'll be capable of taking care of yourself. Many paraplegics are able to care for themselves and live full and happy lives."

"Yes, but, I don't want her to be stuck with some half man. Only half of me will ever function. She deserves a real man, what if another break in her Mother's murder comes forward and she runs again? Do you think I can chase her? I won't be able to protect her anymore and she needs someone who will protect her."

"I think you are worrying too much, explore what you have with Jordan. Take risks, let her feel love and allow yourself that feeling as well. Let go of your past and enjoy your future."

"I can't let go of my past. My past is why I called you here. I can't stop dwelling on it."

"Well why don't you tell me about it?"

"I don't know, my past is so dark, it hurts to talk about it."

"The only way you can completely deal with your past is to talk about it. You have to let it out."

"I'll do my best, my mother died when I was 4, she had cancer. My father raised us, but I guess losing my mom, really affected him. He turned to alcohol and would come home each night in a drunken rage. Usually I would take the beating and spare Cal. However, sometimes he'd have the energy to beat us both, or sometimes he'd push past me and go after Cal. I tried to protect Cal but sometimes I just wasn't strong enough. For some reason through all the beatings I still loved the man and made it my goal to make him proud. However, he was shot in the line of duty when I was a teenager. I held him until he died. Then I finished raising Cal. I ended up meeting a woman named Annie. Everything was old fashioned back in Kewuanee and well, when I asked her father for permission to marry her, he told me I wasn't good enough. So I packed up and moved here, where I fell in love with this brunette, who constantly pushed me away. I followed her to LA and killed for her. I risked my ass for her time and time again, but she wouldn't give me the time of day. Then I met Devan, she seemed smart and sophisticated and I knew I could use her to make Jordan jealous. So I asked her out, and she thought I was in a relationship with Jordan. She agreed as long as Jordan wouldn't be affected. However, I just wanted to make Jordan see, if she didn't let me in, I'd eventually move on. I took Devan out to dinner and spent the whole time obsessing about Jordan. Finally I came clean and told her about the relationship Jordan and I had. She understood and we ended up talking for hours. Devan and I became good friends and she really wanted to help Jordan and I fix things. She thought maybe the jealousy thing would work too, however, she died in a plane crash and I felt so guilty. I felt like I had used her to get Jordan and in many I ways I did. She really liked Jordan, but Jordan hated her and that was because of me. I knew it was wrong to make Jordan jealous but I couldn't help it. Then there is the guilt I feel about Jordan and Cal. I just don't know what makes sense anymore. I don't even know if I want to live."

"You never dealt with your past did you? You moved here to escape it, because you couldn't handle telling Annie, you wouldn't marry her, you escaped your past without ever dealing with it. It's time to go through the skeletons in your closet and now you have all the time to do it."

"I don't think I can handle it."

"Well, I don't think you are going to get much of a choice here. You are confined to this bed, and it is allowing you all of the time you need to process and come to terms with everything in your life. You need to make yourself believe Cal isn't your fault, you need to stop beating yourself up for Annie and allowing your father's problems and disappointment to bring you down. You need to believe and trust Jordan and let go of the situation you had with Devan. Remember she chose to help you and could have easily ended the relationship you were pretending to have, but she didn't. She acted on her own free will. Until you come to terms with all of these issues and guilt in your past, you won't ever be able to look forward. Now you have a chance to do so, you are confined to this bed and its up to you, to accept your past. I will be back in about 3 days, I want you to use this journal and write down your feelings and emotions. Write down anything that comes to mind. I don't have to read it, if you don't want me to, but just try it. I will see you in a few days detective."

Woody watched Dr. Stiles leave the room and then stared down at the journal Stiles had handed him. He opened the book and stared at the blank pages, but the emotions he had just brought out, were bothering him too much and he closed the book and placed it in the drawer next to his bed. He knew Stiles was right, maybe it was time to accept Jordan back into his life. So he sat there excitedly waiting her return. Instead of dwelling, he instead laid there and tried to figure out what he'd say to her when she showed up later that day. This allowed him to finally drift off to sleep.

**A/N: Just so you know the chapter title is supposed to be making fun of Frasier. He was also a psychiatrist and at the end of every episode, the voice over would say, "Frasier Crane has left the building." It was supposed to be funny but really I know it was dumb, you don't have to tell me. For some reason, I recently lost my sense of humour. Also, please don't think I spell humour, favourite, colour or words like that wrong. I'm Canadian and so all those words include the "U". Anyway, it may seem like I can't spell, but I can't stop myself from spelling words the Canadian way as opposed to the American. **


	10. Thanks Nige

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

Regret 

Chapter 10 – Thanks Nige

Jordan finally dragged herself out of her car at the precinct. She knew she was in trouble once she talked to Seely. She walked slowly not wanting the feeling of freedom to end. _Was this the best decision?_ She had no idea. _Maybe I should have talked to Woody_, she thought. Then she felt a strong hand grab her arm. She turned to face Nigel.

"Jordan, you can't do this. This is a big mistake. Sydney told me everything and I won't let you take the fall. This isn't your battle."

Jordan glared at him. She wasn't in the mood for Nigel, she felt she needed to do this. She didn't know what else to do but she didn't have the strength to argue either. "Does Woody know you are doing this Jordan? Was it his idea?"

"What are you talking about? Of course he doesn't know, do you think he'd let me. He is in a difficult place and Seely is making things harder for him."

"Jordan, just stand by Woody. I know that you know more, but we can't make you talk. Now I know a little more too. However, I know there is even more than myself or Sydney would ever know. I'm sorry I can't tell you the details from the autopsy and you know I would if I could. I won't force you to tell me anything but I will stop you from making a mistake. You are my friend and I care for you."

Jordan was so frustrated. "Nigel, you have always broken the rules for me, went out on a limb when I needed you to. You've helped me whenever I've needed you even if that meant risking the loss of your job. However, all I need you to do this time is tell me the small details from his autopsy. I don't see what is wrong with that and Slokum and Seely will never know. That's all I want Nigel. I am not telling you anything I know because I need to protect Woody. I won't tell anyone anything I know because Woody trusts me."

"Fine Jordan, but there is no convicting evidence to prove Woody or you had anything to do with the hiding of the evidence. We can't pin this on either of you without a confession. I talked to Sydney, he isn't going to say anything about who looked at the phone records. Everything is going to be fine."

Jordan felt herself breaking down. They couldn't prove Woody hid evidence. She felt the hot tears filling her eyes and her body was becoming limp. She wanted to go home and get in bed. In the morning she'd start her day all over again fresh and free. _What was I thinking, I could have been in so much trouble._ She thought as she pulled away from Nigel's grasp and walked to her car. "Thanks Nige," she said as she climbed into her car and began driving home.

When she arrived at her apartment, she felt faint. Her head was spinning and she felt weaker then usual. She dragged herself to the elevator and once inside clutched the rail around the wall for support. She was so emotionally distraught, the last 8 hours had left her weak and tired. When the elevator doors opened she could see a figure standing by her doorway. Her eyes were too full of tears for her to make out who it was.

"Jordan, your finally home." His voice filled her ears and Jordan knew who it was immediately.

"Listen Stiles not today. I am too tired to handle this right now."

"Oh come on, I'll be gone in half an hour."

"Why are you here?"

"Well, Slokum has decided you have been overlooked for your psychiatric evaluation for far too long and also I'm a little concerned about how your handling all that is going on in your life right now."

"I'm fine, nothing important is going on in my life right now."

"Is that so. Well then I guess Garret, who I have come to realize is your hero, mentor and the man who you look up to like a father, just disappointed you and is risking losing his job and freedom isn't important. Woody, who I believe you told me was your best friend and the man who saved your ass on numerous occasions, suddenly showed his vulnerability when he was shot and is laying temporarily paralyzed in the hospital. That would certainly allow the safety net, you felt surrounded by with him, to disintegrate. That must also not be important. Also, your father left again after a brief but emotional visit. Is that also not significant? Is there anything else I'm missing Jordan?"

She glared at him. She didn't want to talk to him not tonight. All she wanted to do was sleep. "Well that may be important but all I want to do is go inside open my bottle of rum and fall into a deep alcohol induced sleep. It has been a very physically draining day and tomorrow I have to get up and start all over again. I am not in the mood to be psychologically analyzed. So why don't we do this again some day?"

"If only it were that easy. Do you really think a bottle of rum will fix all the problems in your life Jordan?"

"Actually tonight I believe it will."

Jordan pushed past him and unlocked her door. She went inside and saw her apartment had been trashed. Someone had broken into her apartment. Stiles looked around and then called 911.


	11. Alone

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

Regret

Chapter 11 – Alone

Stiles didn't know what to say. "Jordan are you alright?"

Jordan just stared around the apartment now unaware of Stiles standing next to her. She remembered each detail of the night she was robbed and almost raped. Everything felt so similar that when Stiles touched her arm, she almost responded by hitting him in the face. Instead she felt herself shutting down and collapsed to the ground in tears. The entire day caught up with her and she suddenly remembered why she attempted suicide all those years ago. She felt lost and alone. She remembered that lonely feeling like there was no reason to go on. Stiles lowered himself to the ground with her and told her it was okay to cry.

When the police arrived they asked Stiles to escort Jordan somewhere safe. Jordan was no longer in her right state of mind. She was lost in her thoughts. She said nothing as they helped her to the car and nothing as Stiles began driving down the road. He had decided the best option was probably Lily. He didn't bother talking to her, she was in her own world. Jordan in fact didn't speak until they pulled into Lily's buildings parking lot.

"I don't know where to go anymore."

Stiles jumped at the sound of her voice. It was so soft and haunted, like the voice of a child who just parents their murdered. "What do you mean Jordan?"

"I have no where to go. I lost everything and the only things I have left to keep me company are all my regrets. I pushed Woody away, what is wrong with me, I wait 4 years to tell him I love him. I knew in less than a year and yet I waited 4. Now he doesn't want me, he's over me. I pushed him away like I do everyone else. I know I could have had him but my issues held me back. I lost Garret; it's like losing a second father. He betrayed me, he betrayed us all. My father left and once again left knowing I am disappointed in him. Nigel betrayed me. I still feel so guilty for hating Devan; there was no reason to hate her. She was never really rude to me. She had a good side I just couldn't see it because I was so angry with her for taking Woody. She died thinking I hated her and I found out from her mother that she looked up to me. My father is gone and who knows if I'll ever see him again. I regret so much of my life and so many decisions that I have made, that I now can't process a single regret."

Jordan then stopped talking and went silent. "Jordan, you aren't allowing yourself to process anything because you can't focus on one regret at a time. Instead your mind is flooded with all of them at the same time. Here, I am writing you a medical note. I want you to take mental leave for 2 weeks to process some of your regret. This also may work in your favour because you can work things out with Woody while you help him through rehab. Also you've built yourself up so much vacation that you are free to take off a significant amount of time. Here is a journal, write in it your thoughts and emotions, I don't ever have to read it if you don't want me too, but it will help you sort your thoughts and process your regrets. I am also going to prescribe some medication to help you sleep because unlike your rum, it won't leave hung over."

Jordan and Stiles got out of the car and he helped her to Lily's apartment where Lily immediately helped Jordan in.

When Stiles left, after promising Jordan he'd be there to see her the next afternoon, Lily made up a bed for Jordan on the couch. Jordan just sat down deep in thought and totally unaware that Lily was watching her. Jordan felt as though there were no more tears left in her body to cry; she felt dehydrated.

"May I have a glass of water?"

Lily got up and got Jordan a cold glass of water. "Here," Jordan looked over and Lily handed her a sleeping pill. "My doctor prescribed them too me after my mom passed away to help me sleep. I hardly use them so go ahead and take one." Jordan tried to smile but she was tired and weak. Lily understood and told Jordan to wake her up if she needed anything.

However, Jordan didn't realize how horrible sleep could be. Nightmares filled her mind and she woke 2 hours later and in a panic. She remembered being in the casket from Digger except in there with her was her mother. She remembered the cold from the day her mother was murdered. Lily came running in when she heard Jordan tossing and turning. Jordan no longer wanted to sleep. She stood up and went to the window, totally unaware of Lily's presence. Lily came over and sat beside her. She said nothing and neither did Jordan, instead they just stared out the window into the Boston Skyline. They sat like that for what seemed like hours but was only 15 minutes. "Do you want coffee?" Lily asked.

"No thanks I just needed a break from sleep. I'll be fine, go back to bed you have to get up and go to work. Don't worry about me, I'm fine."

"Jordan, you are honestly one of the worst liars I've ever met."

Jordan smiled at that. "I'm fine and I'm going back to sleep. Just don't worry about me, things have a way of working out." With that Jordan went back to couch and surprisingly fell back asleep. Lily also wandered back to bed leaving Jordan to go back to her nightmares.

**A/N: I don't know too much about mental leave in the states or the rules behind it, but in Canada a psychiatrist can write you a doctor's not to excuse you from work for a significant amount of time. **


	12. I don't need you

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

Regret

Chapter 12 – I don't need you.

"Hey Stranger." Woody's eyes fluttered to the sound of her voice. It was early morning and the sunlight flooded into the room.

"Annie, what the hell are you doing here?" Anger started to cloud his face.

"Good to see you too Woods. Your friend Detective Santana phoned me the day you were shot."

"Well, remind me to thank her. What can I do for you Annie?"

"I wanted to make sure you were okay and ask you to come home."

"This is my home. I may regret hurting you but I don't regret leaving you. I love Boston and the people in it. I'm happy here."

"Woody I can take care of you, I'm a nurse."

"I don't need you."

"I need you. Even after you left I never stopped loving you Woody. I will always love you. I know what my father said but he is wrong, I'm not to good for you. You're to good for me. Please come home with me. I love you Woody please."

"I love you Annie but I'm not in love with you. The only girl I want in my life is Jordan Cavanaugh."

"Who?"

"This ME I've worked with for the past 4 years. I'm in love with her not you."

"Woody, please I love you so much. If you and Jordan are so in love then why isn't she here?"

"She… she… she's at work."

"You were shot 2 days ago and she went back to work."

"They're really short – staffed and they just got a new boss. It's okay, I understand."

"Woody, are you sure that's how you want to live. You are in love with someone who chooses their job over you. I can take time off and take care of you."

"I don't need you."

"Woody, you need someone who is there for you."

"Aren't you engaged?"

"I left him, he just wasn't you. We have so much in common. I ran into Cal about 3 months ago, he believes we're soul mates."

"Do you mean believed?"

"Pardon?"

"Cal's dead Annie, he was shot and we are not soul mates. We have nothing in common. You grew up in the American dream, with money, both parents, beauty, and everything else you would ever want. I grew up motherless and eventually fatherless. I had no money and now don't even have my brother. I have more in common with Jordan. She's had it rough too. I don't think I can handle being married to someone who is perfect. Your father was right, I'm not good enough for you. You have everything. My breaking your heart is probably the worst thing that has ever happened to you."

Annie was speechless. "You really believe that?"

"I don't know, the only thing I do know is that I love Jordan. I'm sorry but I'm not coming home with you."

"I'm really sorry about your brother Woody."

"No you're not. You hated Cal. You thought I babied him too much, always bailing him out."

"Woody, I did not hate Cal. I just worried about how much he stressed you out."

"Good bye Annie."

"If anything ever changes call me. I'm never going to stop loving you Woody. I'll always be there for you." With that Annie left the room wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Did you really mean all that Farm Boy?"

Woody looked up to see Jordan in the doorway.

"Jordan, how much of that did you hear?"

"All of it."

"Meant every word."

"I love you too, and one more thing I do not choose my job over you."

"I know but I didn't know what to say. She is very persuasive."

"I have some time off."

"Is that so. Why might that be?"

"Stiles gave me mental leave."

"Because?"

"My apartment was broken into."

"Oh, how are you feeling about that?"

"I don't know, I don't really want to talk about it."

"Okay, well fine instead you can help me share my treacherous hospital breakfast."

"What no sissy coffee?"

"Not unless you smuggle some in."

"Yeah maybe when you're feeling better. You've only been here 2 days."

"Come on, I only get jello for breakfast. I don't think that is the breakfast of champions."

The smile on Jordan's face was the first genuine smile Woody had seen on her face since before he gave her the ring. It warmed his heart, there was always something about her smile that could light up the room for him. He gently brushed his lips against hers and this time there were no cell phones, the only interruption was the nurse carrying Woody's breakfast in on a tray.


	13. The truth comes out

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

Regret

Chapter 13 – The truth comes out

Nigel had been awake all night. Seely had called him about 8 the night before to come to Jordan's and search for fingerprints. He remembered the conversation quite well. "Jordan's home has been broken into, I want you to come here and search for evidence that might link this intruder to the one that killed Calvin Hoyt." Nigel had complied and spent the entire night going over Jordan's apartment with a fine toothed comb. When he left in the early morning hours he had over 300 hundred fingerprints. He went back to the morgue and began running them. The first 40 he ran were Jordan's but then he came across one that didn't match hers. It belonged to Albert Carson, an immigrant from Albania who changed his name. He had quite the record as well. Nigel printed off the information to pass along to Seely. Then he worked on the other fingerprints to see if there was another party. Fingerprint 52 was Woody's. So was 53, 54 and 58. Finally upon fingerprint 61 he found a new fingerprint. It belonged to Samuel Smith, another Albanian immigrant, with yet another record. He searched through many more, most of them just matched Samuel and Albert.

Seely showed up at 7 in the morning and took the information from Nigel. "You want to join me?" Seely asked.

"Sure, identifying fingerprints is absolutely boring. I'll ask Bug to keep going."

Seely told him he'd be back after he got a warrant. Nigel continued identifying fingerprints to wait for Seely's return.

At 10 Seely was back, "Okay Nigel we're meeting a team there." Nigel had finished every fingerprint. He found only more of Jordan's, Woody's, Albert's, Samuel's and a few of Stiles'.

When Seely and Nigel arrived at the scene, Seely had given him a bullet proof vest. "If these guys are connected to the guys from the mass grave, they are very dangerous. We'll let the guys in first once they clear it we go in."

Nigel understood and they watched as the team moved in. A few minutes later they apprehended the suspect. He had been sleeping and had been arrested before he could grab a gun.

Once he was handcuffed and secured in a cruiser, Nigel was allowed to enter the residence with 2 officers to escort him. Seely was going with the team to apprehend the other man who had broken into Jordan's apartment.

However, when the team entered this time, the man was ready with a gun to open fire and was killed instantly by one of the officers.

Hours later Seely entered Woody's hospital room with some folders in his hand. "We've solved your brother's murder Woody. We found fingerprints of the men who broke into Jordan's apartment and when we searched their apartments we found the guns used to kill Cal. I'm sorry I accused you of hiding evidence. I am really sorry for your loss Woody. It's over though all we have to do is take it to trial. However, who is going to sign the release form for Cal's body?"

"Let him sign and I'll take care of the details." Jordan said.

They both looked at her in shock. "I'm sure I can handle planning a funeral, Woody can tell me what he wants and I'll take care of it."

"Jordan, you don't have to…"

"Just sign the form Woods. It's fine, you can plan the whole thing and I'll just make it happen."

"What if I can't attend my own brothers funeral?"

"Woody, by next week you'll be able to attend your brother's funeral in a wheelchair."

The look on his face could have stopped her heart, it was a look of pain, frustration and regret.

"Listen guys, I am really sorry about the way I treated you. I know you are both going through a lot and if you need anything, well you know, you could, you know, call me."

"It's okay Seely we'll be fine. Oh and thank Lily for the apology she wrote for you." Jordan yelled after him. She still hated him.

Framus entered only moments later. "Hey guys," she said. "I wanted to see how you were doing? Well at least it's over. Well the worst anyway, Jordan can I see you for a second?"

"Sure, Woods I'll be right back."

Framus and Jordan left the room, so that they wouldn't be overheard.

"It seems Woody isn't Cal's emergency contact. Cal has a wife and a child."

Jordan's face shifted and she stood there looking like a deer in the headlights.

"I thought maybe you should tell Woody."

"I don't even know what to say. He will be devastated to find out his brother had a life he never knew about."

"Well you're the only person he should hear it from. She is Cal's emergency contact so Woody is going to have to meet her at some point."

"I know, well I guess I better get it over with. Thanks Roz."

"I'll come by later on, here is her number and address. Her name is Katie Hoyt."


	14. His secret revealed

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

Regret

Chapter 14 – His secretrevealed

Jordan went back to Woody who looked up at her. He finally looked at peace and Jordan felt so guilty that she had to be the one to drop the bomb. "Woody," she spoke, her voice filled with fear and concern. "You aren't your brothers emergency contact."

"Huh?"

"It seems Cal had a life you didn't know about. He has a wife and a child, Woody."

"Jordan what are you talking about. That's ridiculous, he would have told me. I'm his brother." With every word Woody spoke, Jordan could hear his voice breaking more and more. Jordan handed him the paper with her name, phone number and address.

Then Jordan saw the pain fill his face. "My brother was so afraid of my disappointment that he wouldn't tell me he had a wife and child?" The tears then formed. Jordan wanted to cry herself.

"She is going to have to be contacted."

"I don't think I can do it. What am I supposed to say, 'hi I'm Woody, your husbands brother. You know the one you never met. Well Cal died because of my negligence.' Well doesn't that sound fun."

"Listen, I'll call her. Woody, you can't keep blaming yourself for Cal's death. It isn't your fault. You have to believe that." Jordan gently let her lips brush his, then she wiped a tear from his cheek. "I promise I'll be back later but I am going to get some of this taken care of. I love you Woody."

Her voice was so calm as she walked from the room, but Woody was too devastated to respond.

* * *

Jordan arrived at the morgue and went into her office to make the call.

"Hello."

"Hi, I'm Dr. Jordan Cavanaugh from the Boston Medical Examiners Office, I'm calling in regards to your husband, Calvin Hoyt. He was murdered over a month ago here in Boston and his body just washed up on shore. The murder has been solved and the suspect has been apprehended. Calvin had a brother here in Boston, Detective Woody Hoyt and he is paralyzed in the hospital at the moment, so it would be greatly appreciated if the service could be held here in Boston. He was hoping you could fly here from Wisconsin, with your child so you could meet him and discuss the details."

When Jordan stopped talking Katie finally answered. "I wish I could, but I can't afford to fly out. I don't have a lot of money. Are you sure it was Cal? Oh god, this can't be happening."

"Don't worry about it, your flight will be paid for, I'll make the arrangements. Do you think you could fly in tomorrow?"

"Who is going to pay for it, I certainly can't ask his brother, he's in the hospital?"

"Don't worry about it, just get on the flight, I'll call you with the flight information later on today."

"Where will I go once I'm in Boston?"

"I'll be there to pick you up. Don't worry."

"I can't ask you to do that. Why are you doing all this?"

"I have a very close relationship with Detective Hoyt and it would mean the world to him to meet his sister in law and niece or nephew. He only learned of your existence today and I know he really wants to meet you. I'm really sorry for your loss."

"Thank you Doctor, I'll wait by my phone. Oh and he has a nephew."

* * *

The following morning, Jordan headed to the airport with a picture of Katie, Nigel had printed for her. When Jordan saw her she waved her over. She was a tall, thin, brunette with hair that dropped just below her shoulder and big emerald green eyes. She was beautiful and she smiled when she saw Jordan. Jordan looked at the child she was carrying. He was sleeping but Jordan noticed his brown hair. It curled slightly and he was cute and pudgy. "This is Jackson. I'm sure he'll be awake shortly."

"How old is he?"

"2."

They grabbed her luggage and went out to the car. Once they were buckled in, Jackson awoke and Jordan gasped at the colour of his eyes. Staring back at her were those familiar blue eyes. She noticed just how similar he looked to Woody. "Jackson this is your aunt Jordan."

Jordan choked on the water she was drinking. "No, no, no, no, no, I'm not his aunt."

"Oh, I'm sorry, when you said you had a close relationship with Detective Hoyt, I thought you meant you were married."

"Not quite."


	15. Uncle Woody

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

Regret

Chapter 15 – Uncle Woody

"Hi Uncle Woody!" Jordan said. Woody looked up to see Jordan carrying Jackson into the room. "Woody this is your nephew, Jackson Woodrow Hoyt."

Jordan watched his face grow a smile as she walked closer to him. "Jackson this is your uncle Woody." Jackson had grown to like Jordan and by the end of the car ride, he had begun to talk her ear off. Now that they were out of the car he even allowed her to carry him. "Woody this is your sister in law, Katie Hoyt."

Woody looked to the doorway. He didn't know how to react to her. "H…h…hi, Woody."

"You know what Woods, Jackson and I are going to leave the 2 of you to talk. I'm sure he'd like a drink from the cafeteria."

When Jordan left, Woody turned away from Katie and stared out the window, "Please take a seat. So tell me about this life you and my brother shared that I knew nothing about."

"We met almost 3 years ago at a party. One thing led to another and he got me pregnant. When I told him, he agreed to marry me. He told me all about you, he admired you, but he never let me meet you. He said, this was a part of his life you wouldn't want to know anything about. Anyway, I'm sure you knew he had problems, he'd go on trips and be gone for months at a time. He had problems, with drugs, alcohol and gambling. When Jackson was born, he tried to clean up his act for him because he wanted Jackson to have a childhood, unlike his own. However, he still had a gambling problem and I was terrified he was putting us in danger, so about 3 months ago, I threw him out. I had no idea the danger he was really in. I wanted to contact you but he said I was never permitted to do so."

"That's why you didn't report him missing because you didn't know he was?"

"That's right, I feel so guilty. I hate the thought of Jackson growing up without a father."

Woody, felt so lost and alone. "What was your wedding like?"

"Nothing special, we went to Vegas to a chapel. You know Woody, he wouldn't let me name Jackson anything else. He said, that he must be named after you."

Woody tried to smile but he felt so racked with guilt. His brother loved him so much and was so ashamed of himself because he could never live up to him. "I'm sorry that my brother was the way he was."

"Hey, despite his problems I still loved him. Sometimes he was the sweetest guy in the world. Everyone has problems and I learned to look past his for the most part. Near the end I just couldn't handle it. I lived in worry all the time. I thought kicking him out would prove a point. Don't beat yourself up. I know you guys didn't have it easy growing up and I know that it was unfair for you to have to raise Cal so young but he really was grateful for you."

"Do you have any family?"

"No, my parents passed away in a car accident 5 years ago and I was an only child. Cal was really all I had."

"Me too."


	16. It ends

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

**A/N: This is the last chapter. I have to finish it this evening because I am going away for 2 weeks, so I hope it isn't rushed. Thanks to everyone for reading and especially for reviewing. It means a lot to me that you would take the time to do it. Anyway enjoy!**

Regret

Chapter 16 – It ends.

6 months had passed since Cal's body was found. Woody made a full recovery and Katie moved to Boston with Jackson to be closer to family. Jordan stuck by Woody's side throughout the hospital and the funeral. Cal was buried in the cemetery where Jordan's mom was buried. Woody learned to put his past behind him and embrace his future. Jordan did the same. Garret was reinstated at the morgue after it was discovered his boss had hid evidence on many previous occasions and it was known Garret had been forced to or he would have risked termination. Woody went back to work and he was now very mobile. Best of all not only was Woody an uncle but he was going to be a father in only 7 months. Max returned briefly to tell Jordan he planned to travel to Ireland and then come home to Boston. Both Jordan and Woody finally realized that life has a way of just coming together and finally they learned regret is just part of being human and that every human makes mistakes.


End file.
